If programming languages were named descriptively:

Line Numbered Fortran IV: GO TO 4377

Assembler: an erector set where you keep losing all the little screws and nuts.

RPG: Hey can I borrow a stack of coding forms, I ran out.

Filemaker: Fischer Price for coding

C: static void myLife(haveOne = 0) { return 0 * haveOne }

C++: is the class half full or half empty?

Forth: [language[a[is[this]]]]

Ruby: My brother likes it and I heard great things.

Python: I came in here for an argument. Also Python: No you didn’t! See? I’m learning.

Visual Basic: Look ma! I can code!

Javascript: Look Ma! I can code in front of everyone!

Java: Why develop two native apps that work well, when you can develop one unstable kludge that sorta works kinda if the system can handle the runtime environment and you gotta rewrite and/or develop multiple versions anyway.

PHP: hide your sloppy JS coding in here so no one can see.

Pascal: because your community college couldn’t afford a C compiler.

CSS: Hey I have variables now, so that makes me a language! Right?!

BASIC: Banal And Sophomoric Imitation Coding